Reflections on Style: Finding Your Authentic Self

musings on personal style as we mature into adulthood and dressing for the 30-something version of me

I’ve heard people say this dozens of times but I finally understand what they meant when they said “I never thought I’d be this age”. And I don’t say this in the sense that I didn’t think I’d make it because of some life hurdle- I simply just couldn’t see that far ahead into my future. But here I am, a few years into my 30s and it’s….interesting. In some ways, I’m exactly who I thought I would be. I happen to be one of those people who has held on to many of the same pastimes of my youth- I’m proud to say a love of cartoons, video games and literary fiction has never left me. 

But in some ways, I’m surprised at some of the sentiments that have come out of my mouth as it pertains to the way I look. It’s hard to imagine it now if you didn’t know me and unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on your view), I have lost the vast majority of pictures in my younger years, so you just have to take my word for it when I tell you- experimentation was my middle name. Every kind of haircut you can imagine, I’ve had (including buzzcuts). Every kind of mood that you can evoke from clothes, I’ve evoked. Style evolution was my birthright and I never wasted an opportunity to look different. 

I thought I’d continue to be that way in my 30s…..I was wrong. 

Now, I’m still in the early half of this decade so I can’t say if I’ll always feel this way but right now I think the best way to describe my feelings towards my own style is exactly how I’d describe my feelings towards everything else about myself- I feel ‘settled’. 

After consulting the internet, I’ve determined that feeling settled “typically refers to a state of being where one feels comfortable, secure, and at ease in their surroundings, circumstances, or relationships”. Funny enough, ‘comfort’ and ‘ease’ are 2 of my core pillars for what I allow in my wardrobe at this stage of my life. 

When I look back on my 20’s, I was incredibly restless. Style-wise, that translated into a closet that was never contented. I was always scrambling for something to wear, even though ironically enough I owned far more clothing than I do now (we can thank corporate fashion discounts and being a sample size once upon a time for that lol). My aesthetic was always being tweaked or outright changed which I am happy for, because I certainly didn’t waste my youth being afraid to pivot…..but looking back now, boy was that tiresome. 

I realize now that I went through 2 waves: 1) being unsure of who I was, so I tried to be everything and 2) eventually knowing who I was, but feeling like it wasn’t good enough, so I continued to try to be everything. 

In the 1st season of my podcast, I recorded an episode called “the silent power of uniforms”. (You can listen here if you have Apple or here if you have Spotify). As someone who went to a uniform school up until 9th grade, I shocked myself with this revelation. Today, a uniform to me is a very personal thing and I don’t mean it in the traditional sense of the word. 

A uniform to me is simply a tried and true formula for my clothes. It allows me to live my best life while looking authentically me. Take for example this mirror selfie of me before I headed into the office of my (non-fashion) corporate job: 

It may not seem like it at first glance, but this outfit is the result of a formulaic approach to getting dressed, culled after years of figuring out who I am. 

I’m not a ‘girly-girl’ (I find the beauty in it, but it doesn’t feel like me) so that already eliminates a lot of clothing from being part of my life. I feel the most comfortable in trousers and ease of movement is important to me. A blazer is also a staple for me because they’re so easy and make you look put together. They also make me feel powerful. 

My aesthetic has always been kind of dark. I don’t claim to be part of the lifestyle but I lean towards a more ‘goth’ aesthetic than anything (it’s less intense than it was in my teens and 20’s but it's still there). I like mostly dark colors, things that make me feel protected, a bit like armor. I’ve also channeled that aesthetic subtly with the grommet belt I chose to pair with these front pleated jeans that pass for proper trousers in the workplace- comfort is king. 

My t-shirt is my way of being ‘quietly defiant’, which is at the core of who I am. To me, it shows a bit more personality than just a button-up shirt and it makes me stand out just enough in the workplace. I like to push the envelope just enough that people will still leave me to my own devices and not send me to HR lol. 

TL:DR: The 30s aesthetic is authentically me and I’ve gotten my look down to a science.

These are a lot of words to dedicate to getting dressed but if you’re here, you already know that’s how we roll. At its best, clothing is a billboard of everything you are: your likes, your dislikes, your raison d'etre. I genuinely think everyone should take full advantage of the ability to dress themselves in a real, impactful way- even if only you can see it. 

What is your formula for getting dressed everyday?

---

As someone who appreciates independent creators, I would love to support their content while still maintaining my expenses but understand that a monthly fee isn’t always feasible. If you're in a similar position, please consider making a one-time donation (via PayPal) to help sustain my writing journey.

 

---

Enjoying the Thoughtful Threads newsletter? Please consider the following:

• Giving this post a 💜 and sharing it with any other aesthetic over-thinkers you know!

• Joining the party over on TikTok and Instagram (a work in progress but we’ll get there!)

• Joining this community as a monthly paid subscriber which helps support my work for less than a large coffee

• Sharing any interesting info/topics of interest/pictures of your furbabies to spacedoutjenn@gmail.com

Disclaimer

Some of the links in this newsletter may be affiliate links. This means that if you make a purchase through these links, I may earn a small commission at no additional cost to you. I only recommend products or services that I personally believe will add value to my subscribers. Your support helps keep this newsletter running and allows me to continue providing valuable content. Thank you for your support!

-xoxo Jenn